Why not?!

a couple examples of how people don’t understand the concept of “happy right now” instead of “happily ever after”:

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conversation at boyfriend’s work, a couple weeks ago:

co-worker: “are you really moving to Fargo with your girlfriend next year?”
boyfriend: “yep.”
CW: “so, does that mean you guys are gonna get married?”
BF: “nope.”
CW: “why not?”
BF: “cuz we don’t want to.”
CW: “uh… ok. so are you guys gonna rent an apartment, or what?”
BF: “nope. I’m actually gonna try to buy a house there.”
CW: ?!?

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conversation yesterday at the coffee-shop, with a person I used to work with there*:

barista: “so how long have you and your boyfriend been together?
me: “about three years? no, about two an a half now.”
barista: “so, when are you guys gonna get married.”
me: “uh… probably not at all actually.”
barista: “why not?”
me: “why would we? there’s really no reason to.”
barista: . . .

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*hey, at least this time it wasn’t the Christian nurse at the OB/Gyn; now THAT was awkward.

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5 comments on “Why not?!

  1. David Marjanović says:

    Heh. My aunt’s boyfriend had seen so many divorces in his family that he thought getting married brings bad luck. For probably decades, all the way to his death 21 or 22 years ago, my grandfather (I’m told) was just flabbergasted by this situation and wracked his head about how to even refer to the boyfriend.

    A few years ago, after having moved from LA to Australia, they wanted to move to Singapore. For that, they had to get married, so they finally did :-þ The job situation didn’t work out, so they almost immediately moved back, but they’re still married, happily ever after.

  2. Paul says:

    BF: “nope. I’m actually gonna try to buy a house there.”
    CW: ?!?

    A puzzled reaction there isn’t exactly crazy. A lot of people do not have “savvy” when it comes to handling finances between a couple. I’ve heard of protracted financial issues when an unmarried couple buys a house “together” and subsequently splits.

    I don’t mean to imply you’re not happy with your relationship. But in something large like a property procurement, you really need to make sure you’re covered financially. This may be less of an issue in Fargo (I don’t know, and don’t intend that to sound condescending), but even cheap houses here are ~200k and a rather large financial undertaking.

  3. Jadehawk says:

    A puzzled reaction there isn’t exactly crazy. A lot of people do not have “savvy” when it comes to handling finances between a couple. I’ve heard of protracted financial issues when an unmarried couple buys a house “together” and subsequently splits.

    well, it’s literally his house. my status will be “renter”; I will have no stake in this property. We did talk about this, so there wouldn’t be any drama if we broke up. So no worries there, but you’re right that this is what confused people (plus, buying a house together is like, the thing you do when you’re settling down, so that was a funny sort of “mixed messages” moment)

  4. Paul says:

    well, it’s literally his house. my status will be “renter”; I will have no stake in this property. We did talk about this, so there wouldn’t be any drama if we broke up.

    Great. Sadly, buying a house can be a really good example of “happy right now” going horribly wrong. Always good to see people go into things level-headedly while still finding happiness and romance.

    I bought a house recently with my wife (don’t judge me, our families are religious and we’re not hugely confrontational >.<). You're making me nervous with your "settling down" talk, we're young! (ish)

  5. Michael says:

    I have some friends that are really following through on the happy now must mean forever idea, been together 6 months and are now engaged. It seems to be as much lack of imagination as anything else. “How it is now, is how it will always be, because this is the only way it’s been these last 6 months.”

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